So what do animals think ?

There's a lovely little poem by Ezra Pound:

When I carefully consider the curious habits of dogs
I am compelled to conclude
That man is the superior animal.

When I consider the curious habits of man
I confess, my friend, I am puzzled

If you change just one word, that poem could just as easily have been written by a dog, if you imagine literate dogs of a poetic inclination.

Animal habits are curious, and I am always in trouble for speculating about what they are thinking. Sue has no patience with this sort of line of thought.
But I really want to know. For example, when I put out food for the birds, do they think I am being generous or foolish, leaving valuable stuff lying around where they can quietly steal it ? They seem pretty furtive about the whole deal, so maybe it's the latter.

And the cat intrigues me. I recently heard Ian Duncan Smith described as not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, and that's a perfect description of our cat, who has an air of permanent puzzlement. It is as if she has been struck sharply on the bag of the head with a rubber mallet.

But sometimes I wonder how she sees the domestic set-up round here. She has lived here for 9 years, and seems to feel she pretty much owns the place. When she is at the door waiting to be let out, I often wonder whether the miaow is not so much of a plea, but rather more of an order to staff: Open the door. Now. Just open the damn door.

The cat is not as brainless as she makes out, and seems particularly good at geography. She has figured out the layout of the house from outside and when she sees you move from one window, she can make a fairly accurate prediction of where you are likely to appear next.

When I sit on the sofa, she often sits on the arm and taps me lightly on the shoulder until I stroke her. It has the insistence of command.

But why does she STILL deposit bits of animals on the front doorstep, in spite of consistent discouragement ?

And what does the cat think we are doing when reading newspapers ? She has no compunction about sitting in the middle of any story, or about lunging through the paper when held at arms length. OK, so she is not a big reader. But what does she THINK is going on ? To her, hiding behind bit of paper must look like inexplicable behaviour.

As for dogs, they must really worry about what humans do. Why does this character keep chucking this ball away when I keep bringing it back ? How can I get them to stop doing this ? And there again, they must think it odd that owners (well, OK, some owners) bag up dog shit and carefully carry it away. Wow, they must think: this stuff must be really valuable. How can I break into the market and cut out the middle man ?

If cats, dogs, hamsters or whatever is your pet of choice had designed the world, it would be a distinctly different place. Cars would be a very different size and shape, and there would not be much call for schools. Bridge technology would not have got far, and there would definitely have been no space program. 

It would be lovely to know what goes on in their heads. It really would.
 
Alright, alright. I'll stop now.